Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The "Sting"

March 14th-18th is just about the hardest week of the year for me. I lost my beloved Grandad on Wednesday, March 14, 2007 four days before what used to be one of my favorite days...his birthday.  My grade school friend has helped aptly title it "Grandad week."  As my family reminiscences, we all come to the same conclusion. That God took him before he had to watch me suffer through the past four years.  As my biggest fan and main source of unconditional love and strength, it would have literally broken his already damaged heart.  A longing, a sting, for what used to be and nostalgia almost overtake me, but I am so thankful for each and every precious memory.

Also in the same week, two of my friends that have unfortunately been inducted into "the club" finished their chemotherapy sessions.  I am so genuinely happy for these ladies! On the other hand, it is sometimes hard to watch people who were diagnosed after me, finish before me.  It creates a stinging torn feeling in my gut.  That is as honest as I can be. They now will face the decisions I've already made in previous years: surgery options, radiation, etc. I pray that their paths lead them to a life rid of this horrible cancer lifestyle we have been forced to embrace. My last chemo session produced an extra dose of the skin irritation they affectionately refer to as "radiation recall." IT STINGS.

I inquired again about a position at work, and much to my dismay nothing is available.  I often wonder if they know that getting back to work, back to a routine would bring so much normalcy back to my life.  I truly do not think they have connected the dots between my mental and emotional well-being and the effect of being productive in the workplace. That stings.

March is also the time of happy things...birthdays and weddings seem to be celebrated every weekend.  We had fun dressing as late musicians for Lindsey's party (can you guess my costume?) and then I had a great time with Debbie at our favorite hotel. My longtime friend Emily got married this past weekend in a perfect intimate local ceremony. And any reason for my fun mama and her husband to come to town is okay with me! Finally, I am looking forward to celebrating with Lori this weekend as she marries Chuck....rainbows through a storm.

April holds a couple of things to look forward to, but I will save those for a later post.  I would be remiss not to mention my new Hunger Games obsession. Please do not think the movie replaces the need to read all three books.  THEY ARE PHENOMENAL. I've become an avid reader as of late, so if you have suggestions bring them on.

Much Springtime love to all,