I feel so scattered.
Half of me is ready to jump into action and begin scheduling all of the inevitable appointments. The other half cannot help but fall vulnerably into the "Why Her" routine. She's made it nearly 83 years without this, why now?
I have been waiting for my sweet friend Dr. Scarborough's call all morning regarding MeMe's pathology report from her biopsies...the one that determined if it would be just another Tuesday or not. As it turns out, this is not a normal Tuesday. The extra icing on this disgusting cake is that she has it in each breast. Both. "Treatable, curable, but yes........cancer."
It is so strange to hear that about someone you love more than yourself. Even having heard it about MYSELF three separate occasions, I honestly did not expect this to be anything more than a report of fibrocystic breast tissue mascarading as something dark and destructive. But this is no trick---------or-treat.
My MeMe is the strongest woman I know. She is one of 10 children, the infamous Fraziers of Fairfax, Alabama. They grew up in hard times, and she helped raise the younger ones. She married my beloved Grandad, James Pearce at 17. She is my best friend and has never left my side through it all. I most certainly would not have been able to weather my storms without her.
It is my turn to step into the Support Role....the cancer caregiver. It will be helpful to have our expertise in this situation, but that won't make it much easier. I keep thinking how hard watching both of us endure this disease would have been on my Grandad, and how even though it would have been so painful for him, I selfishly wish he was here more than anything.I made sure my Mama was with us when I told her today. She is handling it with grace and strength, just as expected. Our next step is more imaging on Thursday, then onto surgical consultation on Monday. With the size of her tumors it is unlikely she will need radation or chemotherapy....However it was also "unlikely" that I would have it twice more after a bi-lateral mastectomy, so we don't get too hung up on words in our family.